The fifth in our series of counseling case studies.
DEAR PASTOR: My 17-year-old son told me he was gay. He said he has known this for as long as he can remember but has avoided telling me because he knew what my reaction would be.
And he was right I blew my top. I told him what a big disappointment he was to his mother and me. I know I was wrong to react the way I did; yet I feel I was right since according to the Bible this is a terrible sin. Well pastor, what do I do now? I can’t accept him like he is. Tom V.
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Counseling Case Study 5
Answer: Well let’s start from the beginning. “He said he has known this for as long as he can remember….” What your son has known is his own sin nature for as long as he can remember. David put it this way, “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.” Psalm 51:5. Your son has misinterpreted his awareness of his own sinful inclinations as proof of the propriety of his behavior. It is not, and it does not matter how long he can remember “liking” the idea. He has been a sinner from his youth and “liked” many sins through the years. The years do not give his position the least bit of credibility.
I am glad he knew “what your reaction would be.” This says he did not grow up with mixed signals from his home. The fact that you blew your top is the least of your son’s problems. Wait till God blows His on judgement day! I hope you made it plain that your approval and disappointment as well as right and wrong, are defined in terms of God’s revelation to man, the Bible, not in by your personal likes and dislikes.
Denouncing his sin is not an act of sin on your part. However, you may have done the right thing in the wrong way. If you did, you can repent to him for your sinful reaction. Just make it clear that you are not repenting of your faithfulness to the moral standards of God’s Word.
You say you cannot accept him like he is, and indeed you should not. God does not accept him like he is either. However, you can and must love him. He is your son and, no doubt, you would love him if he were an adulterer, murder, or thief. Continue to demonstrate your love to him without in the least approving his sin. Pray for him. There is little else you can do.
Does he live at home? If so, he cannot be allowed to continue in this sin while living under your roof. If he were an adulterer, you would not knowingly allow him to go out whore mongering without facing certain consequences. If he were a thief, you would not knowingly allow him to go out stealing without facing certain consequences. So it is with this sin, you cannot be a party to his sin by allowing him to practice it while living in your home.
“Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. 27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. 28 Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done. 29 They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity.” Romans 1:26-29.
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